


Why Lie?

by Pendragon2601



Category: The Dark Artifices Series - Cassandra Clare, The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Angst, F/M, Smut
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-25
Updated: 2017-04-25
Packaged: 2018-10-23 21:28:16
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,046
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10727604
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Pendragon2601/pseuds/Pendragon2601
Summary: A thoughtful frown appeared on his face before he slowly turned to Emma. “It wasn’t what I expected. I feel…hollow.”"Me too..." Emma whispered.Or Emma is hurting because of her forbidden feelings for her parabatai, Julian and so turns to Mark in need of comfort.





	Why Lie?

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers for Lady Midnight. Hope you all like it.

Why lie?

Those words whirled round and round Emma’s head as she laid back in her bed and tried to get to sleep. It had been almost a week since Mark had said those words and still she couldn’t get them out of her mind. She stared up at the ceiling of her bedroom, wondering how she had never noticed before the little brushstrokes in the plaster, the little bubbling swirls that you often see on the ceilings of old buildings. She supposed she should have realised before, considering how old the Institute building was and that someone must have built it many years ago. Emma thought suddenly that whoever’s job it was to plaster the ceiling did a pretty shoddy job of it considering she could see large patches in the plaster where the wooden beams were barely visible through the board. 

Jules would have done a better job. Emma thought suddenly before cursing herself for thinking about him. Since the day she broke Julian’s heart, she had started to notice all of the little things in her life that had a meaning or a connection with Julian; the wardrobe where she had once hidden her notes on her parent’s murder now reminded her of when Julian had comforted her when she reached a dead end with a potential lead. The sea glass bracelet on her jewellery stand on the window sill reminded her of the morning after she had slept with Julian on the beach. She even had one of his paintbrushes! When she acquired it she couldn’t remember but she just wanted to throw it away so much because it reminded her of when Julian had shown her his paintings of her in his studio. 

She pressed her hand hard against her Parabatai rune as it started to burn painfully. She couldn’t afford to think of Julian at all, not even as her best friend now because every time she did it felt like someone had pressed a hot poker into her skin, searing her mark angrily. She didn’t want to think of Julian in that way. She daren’t now that she knew the truth of the bond. But the rune punished her anyway regardless of whether her thoughts were innocent or not. 

She felt her bed move beside her and rolled her head to the side, staring at the blonde head of her companion, snoozing happily on his front with his head cushioned in his arms. She slowly let out a calming breath and cast her eyes down the scarred plains of his back, which disappeared under the blankets of her bed. She looked up at Mark’s beautiful face, taking in his golden blonde hair, his soft smooth lips and the pointed tips of his ears and tried desperately to push away the feeling of guilt weighing heavily on her chest. 

Yes, Mark was beautiful. There was no point in denying it. When you possessed features of the Fair Folk, you were bound to be beautiful. Helen was the same. When Helen first came out to her siblings and father about her relationship with Aline, Emma thought that it was obvious that she would be in a relationship already. Beautiful people like Helen are never single for long. Mark was Helen’s blood brother so of course he was attractive. But Emma couldn’t find herself feeling attracted to him at all. 

Whenever she tried to picture Mark in her mind, she saw him standing in front of her holding out his hand, his mouth forming those words and suddenly his blonde hair darkened to brown, his heterochromatic eyes turned to a blue-green colour and his body morphed into an image of Julian. She had tried everything to get her mind off Julian. She thought she had been doing well this past week. She was finding it easier and easier to lie in front of the Blackthorns and in front of her Parabatai, claiming that she was happy but when she went to bed every night, her thoughts gnawed at her keeping her wide awake until the early hours of the morning. 

She couldn’t take it anymore. She needed sleep. She needed a distraction from her thoughts and the pain coming from her rune.

Emma rolled on to her side and nudged Mark in the ribs, jolting him awake with a startled gasp. He stared at her through bleary eyes, one gold and one blue, as a crease slowly appeared on his brow. “Emma? What’s the matter? Why’d you wake -”

“I can’t sleep Mark.” Emma interrupted shifting closer to Mark and reaching over to turn his face to hers. “Help me get to sleep. Please.” She pressed her lips to his roughly, closing her eyes as she tried to lose herself in the feeling.

Emma nearly sighed in relief as Mark kissed her back, slowly and sensually as he shifted his body against the length of hers, tangling their legs together and exploring each other’s skin with their bare hands. Emma pushed Mark onto his back, straddling his hips as she dragged her top off and threw it across her room and away from her attention. She has had sex before. She knew the effect she had on guys – well Cameron at least – so she wasn’t self conscious about her body. She leaned down and kissed the side of Mark’s neck, listening to the hitch in his breathing before she leaned up to look at his face. 

She paused in her movements, stilled her roving hips and stared at the hesitant look in Mark’s eyes. “You…have been with a woman before right?” Emma whispered; a crease on her brow as she watched him closely. “I mean, I know you like both guys and girls but…everything that happened with Kieran, I assumed…” She trailed off as Mark looked up at her firmly. 

“Everything that may or may not have happened with Kieran is in the past.” Mark said carefully, resting his hands gently on Emma’s hips. “To answer your question, no. I haven’t had sex with a woman before.”

Emma felt the guilt slowly creep back into her chest. “Should I stop then? You don’t have to have sex with me if you don’t want to. I can try and find another way to get to sleep.”

“Emma,” Mark said looking up at her firmly. “We both know what this relationship is. Perhaps you’re not the only one who needs the distraction right now.” 

Emma stared at the closed off expression on Mark’s face and she wondered who he could be thinking about that he needed the distraction from. Was it Kieran? Or maybe Cristina? She felt her chest grow heavier with guilt as she thought about Cristina. What would Cristina think of her if she found out about this? Emma knew that things were fairly complicated between Cristina and Mark, but surely if something was going on between them then Mark wouldn’t have agreed to be Emma’s fake boyfriend. She shook her head of her thoughts and let out a sigh. She didn’t need this right now. “Okay, if you’re sure you still want to do this, I’m okay with it.”

Mark reached up and pulled Emma down for a kiss, a small peck on her lips before he stared at her and shrugged nonchalantly. “I’m okay with it. It’s just sex right?”

“Right.” Emma nodded in agreement as she slowly started moving her hips against his. Mark leaned up and started peppering kisses along her breasts, causing Emma to tip her head back and close her eyes. 

“Just so you know…you can…talk to me as well…” Mark murmured against her skin, reaching down and removing his pyjama pants awkwardly as Emma moved her hands up into his hair. “I know I’m not Julian but -”

Emma gripped his hair and gave him a hard look. “Don’t say his name – just…Please, just kiss me or something. Don’t mention your brother’s name, I…” She trailed off with a slow breath, clenching her jaw shut to stop herself from saying any more. 

Mark stilled and stared at Emma quietly. There was something about the look on Mark’s face that made her think that he suddenly knew what she was thinking. Emma felt her chest constrict in fear before he slowly nodded and pressed a kiss against her collarbone. “I understand. No mention of loved ones, no family members…I think one of the twins mentioned that bringing up family members in a conversation during sex is a “turn off” anyway.”

Emma chuckled quietly and kissed his cheek. “For future reference, the same goes with exes. Just so you know.” Mark nodded seriously as Emma started to move against him again.

She tried to get lost in the feeling of Mark’s strong hands grasping and pawing at her skin, tugging her hair not too gently, slowly building up the simmering tension between them as they let their bodies move. She tried to concentrate on Mark’s low moans as they rolled over and she landed on her back underneath Mark as he kissed her neck. But she soon found herself staring at her ceiling, at the peeling plaster and shaking her head. She stopped Mark for a moment, stripping herself of the rest of her clothes before she wrapped her legs around his hips and felt him join with her, desperate to create a rhythm quickly enough to stop her thoughts from trailing back to Jules. 

As they fell into a slow rhythm, Emma remembered that night on the beach. The night she almost drowned in the sea, when Julian rescued her and carried her onto the shore, furious and cold as they shivered against each other. She remembered when they all but collapsed against each other, almost in the same position as she was in now, and they kissed each other. She remembered the desperate touches, the heated kisses against her skin, the sheer ecstasy of just being with Julian. 

She shook her head and placed her hand on Mark’s shoulder. “No it’s not working. Not like this. We have to move.” She huffed frustratingly as she disentangled from him and rolled onto her front, bracing herself on her hands and knees. “Now try.” 

She felt Mark brush her hair out of the way and press a comforting kiss to her shoulder blade before he pushed into her again and restarted the rhythm they had created. She closed her eyes and focused on his breathing, on his strong arms grasping hold of her tightly, on the quiet muttering under his breath as they neared the end. She was close. She could feel herself nearly tumbling off the edge as she desperately reached back and pawed the back of Mark’s neck as he panted into the side of her throat. When she felt she could go no longer, she froze with a silent gasp. Her body trembled as they slowly pulled away and collapsed on the bed next to each other, the image of Julian fading from her eyes. 

Minutes passed by slowly before she built up enough courage to hesitantly glance at Mark, who stared quietly up at the ceiling. “So…how was it?”

A thoughtful frown appeared on his face before he slowly turned to Emma. “It wasn’t what I expected. I feel…hollow.”

“Me too…” Emma whispered. She sighed and glared up at the peeling plaster. Stupid plaster, stupid law, stupid parabatai rune… she thought angrily as a tear slipped into her hair. 

“We could try again tomorrow if you want.” Mark suggested quietly. 

Emma shook her head. “No, it’s okay. I’ll try something else tomorrow.” She rolled on to her side, facing away from Mark and curled up in a ball. She spotted a small photo of her with Julian standing on her night stand, taunting her with smiles as they flipped pancakes for Julian’s siblings. She reached up and turned the frame around as she felt Mark pull the blankets over them both. “Goodnight Mark.”

“Goodnight Emma.” He replied, rolling away so that she felt his back press into hers on the small bed. 

Why lie, Mark had said probably thinking that they could actually pull off this farce of a charade. But perhaps she had misunderstood the question…


End file.
